Stop the World, I’m Gonna Barf

August 19, 2010 § 8 Comments

Not the prettiest title I ever came up with but it certainly sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.

You know how when you’re on a roller coaster ride and it’s not until it starts to slow down do you realize that you’re really not having as much fun as you had hoped or at least think you should be having? Then before you can even process that the ride starts to pick up speed again and it takes everything you have just to keep your cookies inside your stomach?

You all get that lame analogy right?

The thing is, my life is that ride and I bloody hell want to get off.  What I mean is, I want it to just stop so I can catch my breath, look around and decide if I want to keep riding this roller coaster or finally choose a different way to live.

Believe me, it’s not nearly as simple as it sounds.  At least it isn’t for a neurotic, often still thinks like a 16 year old single teen parent, cripplingly insecure woman about to enter the last year of her 30’s.

I have soooooooo much baggage and it weighs me down to the point where I can’t even move, sometimes even literally.  It used to depress me because I really thought it was my lot in life, my cross to bear.  Now though, now it just frustrates me and even pisses me off.

Still, I can’t seem to drum up the courage to just toss it. There’s a part of me that needs to examine every shred of it in case I might need it later.  An emotional packrat is what I am.  A hoarder of useless and worn out thoughts and feelings that serve no purpose other than to remind me what a rough time I’ve had.

Oh lord I’m pathetic.

I just realized that I have absolutely no point to this self-pitying rant so I should probably just end it here, run a nice hot bath and get into bed and watch a crappy movie (a good one would take too much energy to follow).

If you read this far thank you and I’m sorry.   😉

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