Home As Refuge

August 23, 2010 § 6 Comments

I really don’t know how to start this post.  There are many ways to spin the situation but frankly, I don’t have the energy.

Son, who turns 22 in two weeks, is moving back in.

The circumstances surrounding this development are frustrating to be sure, but not they’re not dire.  I keep reminding myself that it could be worse and that no one is forcing my hand.

I could just refuse to take him in and let him muddle through on his own, which frankly, I’m more tempted to do than my “I’m a good mom” sensibilities want to admit.

And I’m really not at all sure that I’m doing the right thing by letting him move back in. The previous times we’ve met this crossroads, things ended badly with harsh words between us and Son ultimately storming out.

Still, in the end, I want my kids to think of their home as a refuge.  A place they can come when the world is dishing out more than they can handle. When they find themselves in over their heads, I want my kids to trust that there’s a place they can go where they are unconditionally loved and where they are supported in doing their best.

The only thing I ask for in return is that they actually do their best.  I haven’t been seeing that from Son lately.  I’ve seen a mountain of drama and histrionics, seen a lot of deflecting of blame and responsibility but not nearly enough of him doing his best to own his choices.

I’m hoping that giving him this opportunity to step back, reflect and move forward in a more positive and practical direction will help him get his shit together.

I’ve made it clear that I’m at the end of my rope and that I expect no less than 150% effort on his part.

He promises to give 200%.

Time will tell.

§ 6 Responses to Home As Refuge

  • Shady Lady says:

    It is so hard to put myself in your shoes in this situation. At the moment I hope that Princess will live with me forever! 😉 Yeah, that might change but for now…I am at a lack for any wisdom to offer you. I will however offer you (((hugs))).

  • Sheri says:

    Hugs are good. Thanks. 😀

  • Cate says:

    What Shady said!!

    You’re the first of our little “group” to go down this track, and there is no manual or right and wrong choice. You just make the calls at the time that seem best for your family, and lets face it – if you don’t provide a soft place for your boy to fall – no one else will.

    Breathe deep and dive in!

  • Lisa says:

    I know this is hard for you! I’ll be thinking of you and sending you happy and peace vibes. You’ve been mulling over this situation for a while, and you’re doing what’s best for you guys. Cate and Shady are right! I’m always here if you need to talk, you have my e-mail. 🙂

  • Dharmamama says:

    I wonder if you looked at it as, he IS doing his best, if that could help shift things? I don’t have experience with an adult child – my guys are 11 and 17 – but those times (rare now) that I’ve been frustrated with how they’re acting, or choices they’re making, if I can remember that they ARE doing their best, it helps me come to peace and helps US find solutions.

    He may have some healing to do. YOU may have some healing to do.

    Hope it’s OK that I’m leaving my thoughts here; that really jumped out at me.

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