I Used To

July 23, 2011 § 4 Comments

I used to lament my not yet done
I used to regret things I never did

I used to think I was already dead and done for
I used to think I could tortuously make up for

Things that were never my fault to begin with
Things that were never about me in the first place

I used to fantasize about some kind of you crowning me
I used to hold fast to my pain, anger and resentment

I used to believe my father when he told me I was the most important thing in the world
I used to believe my mother when she told me I would never live up to my potential

Letting them both down, I forsake goodness for knowing myself for what I am

I love my husband and children, I provide for their well-being, I am first on call to duty
I forsake my parents’ version of good parenting, I go the other way

I used to keep my children tightly underwing, a little too
I used to treat them as appendages more than people in of themselves

And now that I don’t and now that I’m trying something else
All I have to fall back on is what I used to

 

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§ 4 Responses to I Used To

  • Shady Lady says:

    Embracing the real you rocks. You are an amazing woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. xoxo…big time. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Sheri says:

    Shady – Is that was the poem’s about? That’s cool…I didn’t quite feel that way when I wrote it and I was a bit confused about what I was trying to say…but if that’s what you see, that’s awesome. And thank you for all the lovely things you followed up with, I believe you to be equally amazing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Cate says:

    Love this:

    “I forsake my parentsโ€™ version of good parenting, I go the other way”

    It is a very brave person who breaks the pattern and goes a different way from the past.

  • Sheri says:

    Cate – Thanks…it’s actually one of my favourite lines in the poem. But I don’t know about brave, I’ve always just seen myself as adamant. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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