Sooooo Tired…

December 4, 2011 § 3 Comments

I’d love to write about Christmasy things and getting ready to ring in a brand new year but in the last four or five days an exhaustion has set in that I just can’t seem to shake, no matter how much sleep I get.

I am showing no signs of cold or flu and aside from a slight nagging lower back ache, all I really am is sooooo tired.  I’m hoping it’s just the last few weeks catching up with me and that it’ll pass.  I’m inclined to think that it could also be partly psychological because for a very long time I held a very firm idea of where I wanted, hoped and aspired to be when I turned 40.

I haven’t had much time to digest it yet, not the turning 40 part that’s actually irrelevant as it turns out, but the wanting, hoping and aspiring part.  With so much going on before and since my birthday there just hasn’t been many moments to quietly reflect on the whole thing.

When I first started thinking about 40, when I turned about 32, it meant having a 23 year old son and 16 year old daughter.  If we made it, it would mean being married 17 years and if we didn’t sell and move it meant living together in the same house  for 13.

What I’ve learned though, and it sort of just hit me right now.  There is a big difference between wanting, hoping and aspiring for dreams and working for them.  In the end, what is most important to you comes down to what you actually work for.

I wanted, hoped and aspired to be many things by the time I was  40; a musician, a seamstress, a small business owner, an actor/comedian, a caterer and a writer.

What I worked the most at was being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, volunteer and homemaker.

I can still want, hope, aspire and even work towards all of those goals.  But knowing my limitations and choosing my family first does not make me less of woman, it makes me more of one.

You were right ladies! I like the view from this side much better.

Still, I think if given the opportunity, I could sleep for a week.  😀

 

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