Forty Two Plus Three

November 4, 2016 § 4 Comments


Clearing in the snow
That is shining in the sun
Love being alone


She Touches My Shoulder

August 6, 2014 § 2 Comments

How easily I forget her…

While I worry about how I will take care of my father
While I work at making a happy union with my husband
While I ache not knowing the whereabouts of my son

She touches my shoulder
Gently, so unobtrusive
Reminding me that she’s still waiting

I’m ashamed about how easily I forget her
She deserves so much better

While I self medicate against a horrific past
While I am only here in the now half the time
While I make my life’s work overcoming

She touches my shoulder
Sweetly, and smiles
Reminding me that I once was her

Waiting for my mother to love me
As much as them

Waiting for my mother to know
How much I loved her

I can give her what I didn’t have
But I don’t know how to start

She touches my shoulder
Nudging me into wakefulness
Reminding me that it’s not too late

All Ends

May 16, 2014 § Leave a comment

Spring took its sweet time this year
Life gets restless under relentless
So easy to give over to irrational fear

I’ll never see the grass again I whined
So caught up in looking at the ground
I couldn’t see the sun when it shined

I’ll never be warm again I’d bemoan
Consumed by the chill in the air
And absorbing it into my willing bones

Waiting for an end is a great way to ignore a potential beginning
Lamenting about losing is a great distraction from focusing on winning

Or even trying for that matter

All ends are merely markers
For where something else started

This poem is dedicated
To all my dearly departed

Whom, if were here at this moment
Would slap me silly for such self-indulgence


A Blanket’s Worth

May 13, 2014 § Leave a comment

I have feverishly weaved threads
I have desperately tried to tie seams

Without thought to an end pattern
Without thought to other than right now

I sew to hold on to what is in hand
I sew to extend the life of the worn

Knowing that a blanket’s worth is not its’ look
Just as not all great stories are inside a book

I have nervously minced words
I have bravely tried to live up to

With such an unattainable ideal inside my head
With such an unreachable goal within my grasp

I have broken promises, I have outright lied
I have depended on how many times I have died

With not so much as a nod to how I survived
With not so much as a whisper of gratitude

I have wrapped myself in righteousness as grace
Worn it upon sleeve as much as used it to save face

I have since apologized, I have since made good
I have tried as hard as any one could

And though it doesn’t look like much now
This patchwork of reaching for my ideals

Keeps me warm and I feel safe within
While I wonder where you are and pray you’re okay

Happy Birthday!

September 8, 2012 § 2 Comments

Twenty four years have since flown by
Since I first met my little guy

Button nose, eyes deep brown
Auburn gossamer on his crown

Speeding through all life’s stages
Time is a war that endlessly wages

Turning our babies, into kids and teens and then
One day we are looking at young women and men

And we are brought to wonder
How the hell did that happen?

Happy Birthday
Love, Mom xo

They Grow up So Fast

September 3, 2012 § 3 Comments

Just checking in.  Things are finally settling down and the hub bub of summer, and 7 family birthdays in 8 weeks, is coming to a close. Thank goodness!

Only one more birthday to go until the end of November and that’s Son next week.  He’s turning 24…gak!

How did I come to be the mother of a 24 four year old baby child kid teen young adult man?  Of course that’s totally rhetorical, I know exactly how it happened.  😛

Anyway, it’s not just Son turning 24 in 5 days…we also had a 19th birthday/going away to college dinner for my nephew, with whom I am very close.  My sister said she’d kill me if I started crying because it would set her off.  We both managed to stay dry eyed but there were a lot of hugs and well wishes, enough to embarrass Nephew.

It makes me lament a little…okay, right now, a lot.

Time just goes so fast and they grow up so quickly.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss 2 am feedings, potty training or temper tantrums. I do miss a whole lot of other things though.  Camping and cook outs, teaching them to swim in the pool, pumpkin carving for Halloween, seasonal crafts, cooking baking for Christmas, sleepovers, movies and even just trips to the park when we packed juice boxes and crackers with peanut butter.

Oh dear. I am being a sad sack aren’t I? I think I’ll end this here and know that I’ll regain my perspective and see all this as the positive changes they are.  I just wish it would slow down a touch.  😉





Fireplace Room To Library – Part Four – Pictureless Post

July 4, 2012 § 1 Comment

I got ONE wall painted so far today and I’m disappointed.  I found out yesterday that we’ll actually be able to get the new floor in on Saturday.  We leave for a week away on Monday morning. Crap!  It’s not like I can reschedule because we are relying on the kindness of our handy friends to help out so when they can come by, we take it.  It does mean however that we have that much more on our plates and frankly, I was stressed out plenty already.

Add to that the ridiculous heat, with added humidity, that already exacerbates my sloth like tendencies. It’s 32 C with a humidex of 39 C (that’s 89.6 F that feels like 102.2 F) and it’s only going to get hotter over the next couple of days.

Did I mention we have a family dinner for Daughter’s birthday the same day the floor is going in? I don’t even have time to think about my baby turning 17 in a week. What a crazy couple of weeks it’s going to be.

Oh well, once all is said and done, I’ll have a library where once existed a mostly wasted space in my house, my oldest will be on the verge of his 24th birthday, my youngest will have just turned 17 and I’ll be sitting around wondering where the time went.

Honestly, I think I’m looking forward to that bit. Well, I say that now.  😀


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