July 4, 2012 § 1 Comment
I got ONE wall painted so far today and I’m disappointed. I found out yesterday that we’ll actually be able to get the new floor in on Saturday. We leave for a week away on Monday morning. Crap! It’s not like I can reschedule because we are relying on the kindness of our handy friends to help out so when they can come by, we take it. It does mean however that we have that much more on our plates and frankly, I was stressed out plenty already.
Add to that the ridiculous heat, with added humidity, that already exacerbates my sloth like tendencies. It’s 32 C with a humidex of 39 C (that’s 89.6 F that feels like 102.2 F) and it’s only going to get hotter over the next couple of days.
Did I mention we have a family dinner for Daughter’s birthday the same day the floor is going in? I don’t even have time to think about my baby turning 17 in a week. What a crazy couple of weeks it’s going to be.
Oh well, once all is said and done, I’ll have a library where once existed a mostly wasted space in my house, my oldest will be on the verge of his 24th birthday, my youngest will have just turned 17 and I’ll be sitting around wondering where the time went.
Honestly, I think I’m looking forward to that bit. Well, I say that now. 😀
November 27, 2011 § Leave a comment
When everything is upside down and over turned
I become the someone for which I’ve always yearned
It’s funny how I find myself stronger than I ever thought
When confronted with situations that I never sought
Things just happen, life just sort of is
And I must like it this way
Because when I just go with the flow
It is always easier to know
That things just happen, life just sort of is
And I must like it this way
When life makes the least kind of sense
When I’m sure that there is no pretense
Things just happen and life just sort of is
And I must like it this way
August 23, 2011 § 3 Comments
I mentioned a few posts ago how it’s been a crazy busy summer. It really has and frankly I’m more than ready to move into fall. Of course the weather has different ideas and it’s still going to be summer around here for another couple of weeks.
Don’t get me wrong! It’s been an absolutely amazing, adventure of a summer and I’m so glad for it. Our trip to Toronto was a blast and I don’t think it’s ever been more fun hanging with Hubby and Daughter than on that vacation.
I also spent a great deal of time with my sister and we’re getting along better than ever. Subsequently, I got to hang out with my nephews way more than usual and it was a great deal of fun.
We also bought a long coveted toy in our camper/trailer and even got out to use it. I absolutely reveled in the hours I spent cleaning, stocking and organizing everything. The camp out itself was just icing on the cake.
But like a roller coaster, there comes a point when you start asking yourself, “Does this ride end anytime soon?”
Because along with all those highs were also some exceptional lows. Things with Son are not good. Tumultuous is the best word I know to describe it. I’m at the end of my apron strings now and I don’t really see much option at this point other than to just let go.
Be assured that I’m not all pity-party about it. I’m not crying into my coffee in the morning. I’ve accepted that Son is experiencing the consequences of his decisions and that the best thing I can do for him is to back the hell off. Still, it does tug a mother’s heart to see her child choose such a rough road.
But then, I did too. And sometimes I wonder, despite my own experience of growing up a little too fast, perhaps I’ve been hindering Son by trying to cushion his fall all this time. By trying to make sure he didn’t have to go through what I did, did I just prolong his immaturity?
I honestly don’t know. *SIGH*
In any case, things are what they are and for the most part I’m pretty okay with it. Still, I’ll feel a whole lot better when the air loses all trace of humidity, the sun starts to set a little earlier and when we can harvest the last of this years veggies.
I think I’m ready to begin looking forward to next year.
July 26, 2011 § 6 Comments
We’re in the middle of a moderate thunderstorm right now. Woohoo! It’s cooling the air nicely and the rain is watering the gardens. Ahhhhhh.
Daughter just got her mark for the first unit of her Independent Learning course and she passed with a very nice grade. Though we’re pleased she got a good grade, we’re more excited by the fact that she wants to continue. We’ve ordered another course and she’s excited to start working on her Science credit.
It’s definitely school on her terms and I’m just happy she’s enjoying it.
We have to look into whether or not we still need to inform the school board of our continuing intent to homeschool. Every year since we withdrew Daughter from public school we’ve had to write a letter to confirm that.
This year however, Daughter turned 16 and in Ontario that’s the age of consent. (Meaning she can decide to quit school and live on her own if she wants. Scary, but true.)
Anyway, it’ll be relief if we no longer need to write that letter. Not that it was a big deal in and of itself, it was just a form letter that I changed the date on, printed, signed and mailed. A no-brainer. What it is though, is the cutting off of the last vestiges of the “why do I have to explain to you” bee that buzzes around homeschoolers.
Whether they be radical unschoolers or the school at home sort, parents who decide to take a different approach to their child(ren)’s education are often subjected to some pretty annoying stereotypes, questions and opinions. Many have incredible hoops to jump, lesson plans and tests they HAVE to submit and general justifications to provide, in writing.
My heart truly goes out to them and I know how fortunate we are that a stupid form letter is the worst of it.
For us though, it will still mean the end of an era. Not having to submit that letter will mean the end of looking back at where we’ve been coming from and focus more on the direction we’re going.
Oh, and the other thing…Daughter, who only two weeks ago turned 16, because of her summer COLLEGE course, now has a COLLEGE student ID number and is getting COLLEGE course information in the mail. Did I mention she just turned 16?
Yeah, I totally ruined her prospects for post-secondary education by pulling her out of public school when she was 11.
June 12, 2011 § 5 Comments
Yesterday was heady post though I tried to make light of it. Despite the milestone of actually telling Son that I had no thoughts about the situation he had found himself in, I was in fact deeply concerned about this continuing pattern.
It’s not that I want in any way to come off as uncaring, because I do very much. It’s just that at this point in the game, my two cents, more often than not, usually ends up making matters worse. I had to try being indifferent. I had to just trust him.
Guess what?! It worked.
Son and GF came over today for a swim (I can’t believe they actually got in) and a BBQ. While were in between the two activities we sat in the gazebo and chatted.
I asked them how the roommate situation was going.
In unison they happily replied, “Oh, we found a place.”
And mama bird sighed and smiled, “Good. That’s why I didn’t stick my nose into it, I knew you guys would work it out.”
They then told me about the situation, without the blah, blah, blah, and I told them, only a couple, of my thoughts and offered one or two bits of advice and added how proud I was of both of them for sorting things out.
Trustworthiness first requires trust. *sigh* I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get that one.
June 11, 2011 § 4 Comments
I’ve grown as a parent. Only took me two kids and 23 years but I’ve finally learned that cutting apron strings is more than a simple saying and that it hurts as much as though you were cutting through your own heart.
Like labour and the act of giving birth though, it’s a good pain. It’s a pain borne of promise, of hope and of brand new beginnings. A little esoteric? Yeah, but I do have a point.
A phone conversation:
Son: Hi Mom. I just wanted your advice about something.
Me: Okay, sure. What’s up?
Son: Well, we just got 30 days notice. GF and I are getting kicked out.
Son: It seems ROOMMATE (who’s name is on the lease) is expecting us to blah, blah, blah.
The blah, blah, blah went on for sometime and as most of you know, I’ve been listening to his blah, blah, blah for over five years.
Me: -rolling my eyes and praying for a sudden power outage that will make the phone go dead- And?
Son: I just wanted to know what you think about that.
Me: I don’t think anything about it. It’s your life and your issue.
Son: Well, ROOMMATE blah, blah, blah…
Me: Look, you’re almost 23 years old…
Son: Yeah, and ROOMMATE is 25 and acts like she’s 6.
Me: -rolling my eyes even further back and praying for the strength to resist just hanging up on him- This is your problem and you’re going to have to deal with it.
Son: Oh. -long silence– Okay. We still good for a BBQ on Sunday?
Me: Of course, though it’s probably going to be too cold to swim. But I’ll leave that up to you.
The thing about this exchange is that normally I would be fretting, worrying and feeling guilty about the situation he’s gotten himself into. I’m not doing that anymore.
I am finally comfortable leaving his life up to him. I’ve done the best I could, I probably meddled more and longer than I should have but I know that I was a good Mom and now I have to leave it at that.
May 17, 2011 § 8 Comments
Along with purging Daughter’s room and cleaning out the closets came a virtual treasure trove of Lego.
Pictured is about half of it. There are buckets worth of coloured bricks and various pieces, all mismatched and dusty. I tried really hard not to think about how much we paid for all of it…I mean, seriously…that shit’s expensive.
I’m still not yet sure what I want to do with it all but the idea in the lead is to give most of it to a friend’s son. In any case, the lot needs to be cleaned and sorted.
So while I’m doing that…washing and drying and sorting…I’m also remembering. Sweet memories of building imaginary places, the hours spent sorting sizes and colours for just the right look and of laughing ourselves silly as we crashed it all down.
I was just looking to be nice and not give away dust laden toys. I wasn’t counting on the emotional attachment. I mean really, it’s just Lego for goodness sake.
May 15, 2011 § 5 Comments
While we were cleaning out Daughter’s closets yesterday there was plenty treasure finding, oohing and aahing and exclamations of “I wondered where that was.” Sadly, not everything was salvageable and some of it had to be tossed.
A lesson for Daughter on why I keep nagging her to keep her door closed when she’s not in her room, or when she’s in the shower or when she’s in bed…just in general to keep it closed.
One thing that we were able to save though is a 12 year old, much beloved stuffed toy. You can tell he is beloved because of the repairs done to him. Unfortunately, at the time of the “surgery”, we couldn’t find all the pieces and Mr. Bunny was renamed…
I know, eh? I’m hilarious. If he wasn’t so cherished I wouldn’t have bothered but 3 year old Daughter was insistent that I fix him up as best I could. As a parent, you try. We’ve gotten a lot of mileage out the joke over the years though and no one ever fails to crack a smile when they find out his name. As an added plus, Daughter knows who Vincent Van Gogh is and some of the more interesting details of his life.
May 9, 2011 § 7 Comments
Hiya. I’ve been avoiding the blog. First it was just because I was sick but then something else happened, and has since escalated, and I have to admit…I’m a bit of a mess.
It actually started about six weeks ago when Son (most of you know the background here) announced that his girlfriend, of only two weeks, moved in with him. The other thing, she’s only 18. Son is almost 23.
Still, they’re both technically adults and who am I to rain on their parade with wisdom and common sense. I took the high road and kept my opinions to myself. But then…
Then I got a call from Son last week saying they needed to borrow money because GF needed a prescription. I didn’t really believe it but I thought in case it is true…I gave them the money. Actually, I gave them more than what they asked for with just one stipulation – that they buy me something nice for Mother’s Day. (Which was two days after they both were getting paid.)
I realize that this was a HUGE mistake. I realize that my feelings of disappointment and frustration are more about my own lack of a backbone and for giving into irrational and completely pointless feelings of guilt that it’s somehow my fault that he keeps coming back for money.
It is, of course. My fault, I mean. But not because I didn’t cuddle him enough as an infant or because I was a single mom or because I took his gameboy away from him for two weeks when he was 12.
He keeps coming back for money because I keep giving it to him. D’uh!
What I should have done was given them what they asked for and asked how soon they would be paying it back, leaving it at that. Yesterday was Mother’s Day and they came over for dinner (a free meal made by Daughter) and I got kisses and hugs. No gift, no flowers, not even a card. Oh, but I did get their delightful announcement that they are now engaged. Happy Mother’s Day!!!
(Been paying attention to the timeline? They’ve been dating two months, living together for 6 weeks and now they’re engaged. Having had to borrow money from me just last week.)
I was so taken aback that I had no idea how to react. I did my best to plaster a smile on my face, make pleasant conversation and get through the evening. After they left I just looked at Hubby and said, “Well, that was interesting.”
For the rest of the night I put it out of mind because I was just too tired to deal with it. We put on some Dr. Who and I eventually fell asleep to the sound of the tardis. Though I slept relatively well, I woke up this morning feeling fed up, tired and even more fed up.
This has to stop. I am enabling Son to avoid the consequences of his adult decisions by permitting myself to be used as an unlimited ATM at his manipulative beck and call. I swore that when moved out in January, after living here 6 months rent free/all expenses paid while he took a college course (his Grandmother paid for) and saved up money for his own place, that that was it. For the record, when he left he had a steady full-time job and over $2,000.
He has since been demoted to part-time, complains incessantly about work but doesn’t bother looking for another job – like suppose one that he’s certified for – and has asked me for money three times. And I keep giving it to him. I have to own that. I have to admit that I’m not helping him, though I so much want to justify it that way, I am in fact hurting him and our chances of having a healthy adult relationship.
So, I got off the high road and told Son what my thoughts are and laid down some very firm boundaries.
The first of which is that the Bank of Mom and Dad is now closed for business. He’s capable of supporting himself and from here on out that’s what I expect him to do before we end up in the situation where I’m supporting both of them.
There was more about not willing to listen to him complain about situations he creates for himself and that if he really cared about his girlfriend they should be talking about her going back to college and not of getting married.
Well, it didn’t end well and as his typical of his personality, he stormed off in a rage that I wasn’t “being supportive”. The difference, this time I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about it.
There’s no way I’m going to support him in encouraging a young woman to get engaged when she’s barely out of high school and he hasn’t been able to even keep a job for more than a few months at a time in the last three years.
I seriously have no idea what he’s thinking. Actually, that’s a lie. I know exactly what he’s thinking…’No matter what stupid decisions I make, Mom will just bail me out when it blows up in my face.’
Well, not anymore bucko.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
March 17, 2011 § 8 Comments
Well, it’s been an interesting week for me.
Hubby is away and while I miss him terribly, I’m also reveling in the opportunity to get back to my single parent, I’m a strong independent woman and can meet any challenge, roots. Not that I have any desire to go back to that full-time…no thanks. Still, it’s nice to know I can still manage on my own if I have to, I’m just really glad I don’t have to anymore.
To that end, I’ve spent most of the week simply taking care of basics and haven’t really done much work on any specific goal. I have however decided to add making homemade cards to my list…
This is my first card. I bought the purple cards pre-cut packaged in a discount bin at my craft store. I thought they were really cute. I added the stamp and though it’s not quite perfectly centered, it’s pretty good for a first go.
I’m going to use the calligraphy pen for a Happy Birthday message and if I’m okay with the results then my BF is getting it for her birthday on Sunday…if I’m unhappy with the results then I’ll keep trying until I am. Or until I run out of cards. 😉
That’s pretty much it this week for my goals but I want to leave with this pic,
for us girls who at least once in our teens suffered from…
This was Daughter this afternoon around 4:00 pm, just over three hours after I picked her up from her friends’ house from a sleepover. They were up until nearly 5:00 am watching movies, playing board games and pigging out on chips and snacks.
I’m so grateful, too well aware of what she “could” be doing, I let her sleep and just smile…and take her picture.
She may not be anywhere near doing what I was at her age, she still will be doing it eventually and at some point I’ve got to deal with it.